"M.O.P.S. in Space" - Chapter Two

M.O.P.S. in Space

Chapter Two

By Douglas E. Gogerty

"You could tell I was in a costume?" asked the octopod when the room stopped spinning.

"Of course," replied Kelly a little distracted as he searched nervously at the sudden change of scenery.

"I thought I did a good job looking like a human," mumbled the once booming voice.

"Ummmm -- what's going on?" asked Angus.

"None of the humans back there seemed to notice...," muttered the octopod.

"Ummmm -- yeah! What *is* going on?" insisted Tommy.

"I tried to warn you, but you would not listen to my booming scary disembodied voice," the octopod replied as the booming voice returned.

"Who or what are you?" asked Kelly.

"I am Gogle! I am the living record of all things on your planet."

"Our planet?" asked Victor. "Then where are we now?"

"You're on Earth," replied Gogle.

With a sigh of relief Victor asked, "Where on Earth?"

"Oh!" responded Gogle with a slight chuckle. "I probably should explain. First, about 80% of all inhabited planets in the galaxy are called Earth. It is one of those strange coincidences that make things a bit confusing. It is almost as universal as the word Okay."

"So where are we?" asked Victor with a bit of panic returning to his voice.

"According to your International Star Registry, this would be the fourth planet orbiting the star -- Ann L. Kitterman."

"Where?" begged Victor.

"Hey, I am not responsible for the naming of these things," Gogle said with a shrug. "Does (15M, 2.432963, 4.196733) in galactic standard spherical coordinates help any?"

"No," Victor replied curtly with a shake of his head.

"So, what is going on?" asked Kelly attempting to change the subject to something more concrete.

"This raucous party you see before you," responded Gogle as he waved one of his tentacles across the scene. "This event often becomes so out of control that it spills out over time and space."

"They look like intergalactic nerds, if you ask me," Tommy responded.

"Intra-galactic really," Gogle said reflexively. "I guess since you are here and are not going anywhere, I should let you in on the secret of this grand occasion."

"That would be grand," insisted Kelly.

"This is the 186th Annual Intra-Galactic Comic and Gaming Convention," mumbled Gogle.

"What!?!!" shouted the quartet in unison.

"It is the gathering of like-minded individuals where they exchange stories, information, and purchase collectibles," asserted Gogle. "I am dressed as a popular -- but mythical -- comic character called a -- human..."

"And how did we get here?" enquired Victor.

"Would you like the short version or the long?" replied Gogle.

"Short," replied everyone except Victor who asked for the long version.

"Let me see if I can explain it to you in your limited language," started Gogle. "What would you say if I told you that I traveled back in time and killed my grandfather before he conceived my father?"

"That's impossible," replied Victor.

"Exactly," continued Gogle. "It would create a great paradoxical field -- an impossibility bubble -- if you will. So, how would you describe traveling several thousand light years without a space ship?"

"That would also be impossible," replied Victor.

"Thus, mathematically, they would cancel each other out," responded Gogle. "And, Bob's your uncle, we are here."

"What!?!!" exclaimed Victor attempting to follow the logic.

"To be honest," Gogle continued, "Traveling here without a spaceship is only highly improbably -- a pseudo-impossibility -- if you will. By Murphy's Law, if anything can go wrong it will. Thus, it is actually much more improbable that we end up where we wish."

"Huh?" Victor said as if someone were actually listening to him.

"Therefore, since our getting here is only a pseudo-impossibility," continued Gogle completely ignoring Victor's protests. "We had to stack in a few more improbable events."

"Like the Cubs winning the World Series?" asked Tommy.

"Like soccer becoming popular in America?" asked Kelly.

"Like Victor getting some action?" joked Angus.

"Exactly," proclaimed Gogle. "With a collection of pseudo-impossibilities, we cancel out the impossibility of me killing my grandfather before my father is conceived."

"This is all twisted..." Victor said in exasperation.

"Exactly," Gogle said in congratulations to Victor. "Did you take Beginning Hyper-Dimensional Temporal Physics too?"

"What?" asked Victor.

"He just read Hyper-Dimensional Temporal Physics for Dummies," added Angus.

"I ask because the paradoxical field becomes more and more twisted," replied Gogle. "It will become so tight that in four days it will all unravel. Hence, we will all return to your planet, and granddad will be fine."

"That doesn't make any sense," Victor responded with a twisted look on his face.

"You wanted the short version," Gogle said with a shrug.

"So, is this planet your home?" asked Angus looking at all the similar octopod creatures.

"Great googly-moogly no!" exclaimed Gogle. "This is just where they hold this convention."

"So why is everyone -- like you?" asked Victor pointing to the others.

"My particular race happens to be the repository of collected information for many planets in the galaxy," Gogle replied proudly, but with a little hint of shame, he added, "And as I have previously stated, I have the collected knowledge of your race."

"So, what are all the repositories of knowledge doing here?" asked Victor.

"We are the primary vendors for the show, and this is the setup and pre-show party. Even us knowledge repositories have to make money somehow."

As they were talking, another octopod walked up in a more normal mode of locomotion for an eight-legged creature. He stuck out an appendage and said, "Greetings Humans!"

Before Gogle could say anything, Victor grabbed the appendage and replied, "Ouch!"

"A word of warning," Gogle finally said as Victor looked at his aching hand, "this is a party, and some of the males here will try to mate with anything. Therefore, if someone offers you a sperm packet, I suggest you refuse. Now if you excuse me, my favorite band Lizard Spit and the Bongs¹ is just about to play."

Gogle, on his panted legs, walked clumsily over to where four individuals, apparently of his octopod race, were standing upon a stage. They began to play something similar to but completely different from human rock and roll music.

"What does he mean sperm packet?" asked Victor trying to quell some up and coming panic.

"I think you just grabbed that dude's penis," replied Tommy with a chuckle.

"You should make him buy you a drink," added Angus continuing the joke.

"Am I going to give birth to an alien-human space creature?" worried Victor.

"I doubt that our genetic make-ups are compatible -- ugh -- said Mr. Geneticist," responded Kelly disappointed in himself for not continuing the joke.

"I don't know if it is your normal paleness, or if you are extra pale right now," insisted Angus. "Perhaps you should sit down."

"Good idea," replied Victor as the group made their way towards a group of seats near the bar. "My hand feels just like a balloon."

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NOTES:

1:
All band names brought to you by Dave Barry